Rememberance
by oncerSM
Summary: The events of Endgame leave the world in pieces, but no one is more broken than Peter Parker. (SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME)
1. Death is hard to forget

**SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME. You have been warned. Also this is my first Marvel fanfic so please be nice and leave reviews!**

Peter tried to keep his breathing relaxed. He tried to shift his position multiple times on his mattress, leaning on his right side, then his left, staying in the middle, and switching his pillow to the opposite side of his bed. Just for the purpose of trying Peter even tried using a web to hang up and side down from the ceiling, as if that had ever helped someone fall asleep. But all his efforts seemed to be wasted. Instead whenever Peter would even get close to enjoying the blissful effects of sleep he would suddenly be there, on the battleground with Mr. Stark. Iron Man's eyes glazed open without a single breath being let out. Dead.

It had only been two months since it happened and it wasn't just at night that these memories would gnaw at him, never letting him forget. They came in his English class when Peter was meant to be giving an oral presentation. He would be reading the best he could aloud to the class and suddenly he'd freeze. His eyes would go wide and immediately fill with a look of fear that only Ned and MJ could recognize.

"Peter?" Mrs. Ramirez asked as she waiting to see if he would continue. Before Thanos she'd assume that he like some students had a harder time public speaking than others, she'd seen other students react just like Peter Parker in front of a classroom. But this was after Thanos. And panic attacks were common for students in similar circumstances like Peter. Students who had vanished for five years while the rest of their classmates graduated and aged.

"I'm sorry" Peter stuttered in a broken voice. He then dropped his paper on the teacher's desk and ran from the room, the door slamming behind him. "Water" he muttered to himself as he made his way through the hallway looking for the water fountain in a daze. He needed something to calm him down. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. Water would help. But Peter knew he wouldn't be able to make it as he slid down to the floor along a wall of lockers, hands clutching his face trying to make it all go away.

"Peter?" A voice asked. Peter didn't look up, he hadn't even heard the footsteps coming his way. He recognized her voice though. Normally having a tone which was ready to say something sarcastic but now sounding more concerned.

Peter gave a quick swipe to his eyes, pushing away the tears which he embarrassed to have let out.

"I'm stupid, I should've practiced more for the presentation and-"

"Stop it, Parker" MJ said as she lowered herself down to sit next to Peter. "We both know that wasn't what happened in there".

"I don't know what to do" Peter said honestly.

She laughed. "And you think the rest of us do?" This is a pretty messed up situation for the whole god damn planet. Think about it, more than half of our original class is gone, graduated, been to college and started a life. Where've we been?" She asked,her arms folded as she stared straight ahead.

"Where were you when it happened?" Peter asked in a calmer voice.

"Funny enough I was yelling at my mom" MJ started. "Of course she was yelling too. It was some stupid fight, I don't even remember what it was about but I guess that's what five years does to you. But me and mom were arguing and suddenly I remember everything going black for a second, and then I'm back standing in the exact same spot except my mom wasn't there. She was lucky one in my family who didn't disappear. Nearly had a heart attack when she saw me and my dad back" she said. "What about you, Parker?"

Peter shook his head, not wanting the memories to resurface once more. "I don't know" he said. "Both me and my aunt disappeared though, luckily no one wanted to raid a ghost apartment in the past few years" Peter said. And it was true, both him and Aunt May were one of the lucky ones. Some people had their homes completely robbed or sold.

MJ nodded. "You're not the only one, by the way" she said. "I've seen kids sobbing in the bathrooms. Girls who's best friends are graduating college this year and their still in high school. You and Ned were lucky to have stayed together"

"Lucky?" Peter asked as if this was a sick joke.

"People have lost a lot, Peter. The ones who were left probably thought they were the lucky ones. But then we came back and get to continue our lives like nothing ever happened. They're the ones that remember the last five years. So who do you think are the lucky ones?"

Peter wanted to agree with her. But his memories and his powers made it more difficult than most to forget. No one else felt their on coming disappearance. No one else remembered their own body disintegrating, crumbling to ash. Peter has asked others, but even Doctor Strange didn't know what Peter did. And while the country knew about the death of Tony Stark no one felt the way he did, expect of course his wife and daughter.

The panic attacks were the worst of it. Sometimes it wouldn't hit him full on, just the quickening of his breath and a flash of a memory and other times, like in his English class or at night. Gym class could have its own horror especially whilst playing dodgeball. Having ball after ball being thrown at him so much that he couldn't concentrate on doing anything but covering his face. His spidery sense couldn't combat his fear and didn't help him much in this moment but warn him of every oncoming ball before it hit. Ned would yell for them to stop before being pelted himself.

But for Peter he didn't know what was a more terrible memory to experience: Tony's death or his own. Turning to dust in Tony's arms. Not wanting to leave, to die. At first when Peter came back he didn't remember exactly what happened or how it had felt to him. But slowly his memories returned. And all the pain was as real as ever.

Aunt May knew. Peter didn't have to admit what he was feeling for her to know why he was upset. She knew he couldn't sleep well, she'd listen to his footsteps he'd make around his room at three in the morning praying that he'd find some comfort somewhere. But he missed Tony Stark. And he wasn't coming back.

"You didn't sleep again last night?" Aunt May said, this conversation had become an all too common occurrence, the exhaustion on Peter's face was showing. The bags under his eyes were too dark for any teenager to have.

"I did, somewhat" Peter lied. His eyes never remained closed for longer than a few seconds in the previous night. Or the whole week for that matter. The nightmares would keep him awake. It was moment like this when he wished he never got bit by a radioactive spider. A downside to his powers was a rapid metabolism. Any sleep medication he could take would burn right through his system.

"Morgan called" May said, trying to engage Peter in more conversation. And it was true, the five year old had gotten extremely attached to him. "And Pepper, she actually sent something over for you, as early birthday present" she added, placing a cereal box down on the kitchen table. Sleep wasn't the only thing Peter was lacking. He wasn't eating enough, and the hunger only added to his sickened appearance. Peter gave a slight nod to her words as he stared down at the Daily News newspaper trying to find some interest in the pages. But it was obvious the thought of his birthday was something he didn't care very much about. When Thanos killed half the world it was less than two months until Peter turned 17. But he never got that chance.

"She wants you to come over sometime. I think that might be a good idea".

"No" Peter said almost too quickly. "I-I can't go back there. Not to that house" He said a bit slower.

"Peter" Aunt May said.

"I can't Aunt May" Peter stood up turning to face his aunt. "Not after the funeral" He stopped, cutting his words short not wanting to think more about that day. The beautiful house surrounded by acres of nature now tainted in Peter's memory.

"Ok. We'll leave this conversation off to the side, for right now. What we can talk about is your school trip" Aunt May said, her arms now folded. This was something that May had repeatedly brought up but Peter had never made a decision on. He'd be going to Europe for a week.

"I don't-"

"You're going. This isn't a debate" She said, though without any anger in her voice. "It'll be good for you and besides, it'll be fun. You, your classmates, Ned and don't forget about MJ" May said with a smile.

"Aunt May!" Peter said, though he didn't give the grin she was hoping would come out. "I don't know about this. The last time I went on a school trip..." He was meant to be going to the MOMA. The fear in his eyes was back and his memory went on rapid replay, showing everything that had happened to him the moment he snuck off his school bus. Space, Thanos, Dust. Five years. And , always Mr. Stark Peter's breathing quickened and he stepped back, bumping into the counter top but not noticing the pain.

"Peter" Aunt May said as she stepped forward to comfort her nephew. "Nothing is going to happen" she said.

"You can't promise that" Peter said, hot tears slipping down his cheeks.

She nodded. "I can't, but it's better than thinking the worst" May said. Then she broke away from Peter to grab a flat wrapped gift that he hadn't noticed before.

Peter looked down at the package before taking it with a shaking hand and using his free one to wipe his fallen tears.

_Happy 17th Birthday Peter _

_Love Pepper and Morgan _(Peter smiled seeing the childish handwriting of the little girl)

He unwrapped it carefully peeling off the tape that held the corners down before the removing the whole thing. In his hands Peter held a picture frame containing a picture he only knew too well.

It was Peter and Tony. With himself giving off the biggest most goofiest smile and Tony looking mildly amused.

"He cared about you a lot" Aunt May said.

Peter nodded, remembering the first time he had seen Mr. Stark after returning. It had been Mr. Stark that went in for the hug that time. Peter had wanted to say more in that moment and it looked like Mr. Stark did too, but both held their tongues to go take down Thanos. Mr. Stark never got to tell Peter that he had a daughter, never got tell him what it was like the five years Peter was gone. It was Pepper that had spoken to Peter before the funeral. She knew how Tony had felt. She knew that Peter's death had been the thing that Mr. Stark never let himself forget. And now it was like the roles were switched. Because Mr. Stark was the one who was gone and Peter was alone.

Peter looked to Aunt May, wanting to say more, but words didn't seem to matter as much as how he felt. Peter missed him. He'd give anything to have Mr. Stark back, even if it was just to yell at Peter for doing something wrong. Even if Peter never got to be Spiderman again. Anything for his mentor to be here again.


	2. 5 Years Ago

**Again, major spoiler alert! Don't read if you haven't seen Endgame**

There was something he had to do, something he couldn't remember. Tony Stark looked with a blank stare as he gripped the arms of the wheelchair he had been forced into. People were speaking around him but to Tony the voice sounded like nothing but muffled noises.

"Tony" Steve said, the few remaining Avengers looked toward the emaciated form of the billionaire. "Tony?" It appeared he hadn't been listening to any of their words.

Stark blinked twice, then shook his head confused. "Sorry, what's the date?" He asked. It was a most basic question and yet it brought worried stares. Half the world was gone and this was Tony's number one concern.

"What?" Natasha asked, her and Steve shared a look. Ever since his many days stranded in space he had been almost out of it, not surprising seeing as he had almost died of starvation and dehydration.

"FRIDAY, what is the date?" Tony repeated this time louder and clearer, addressing the question to his A.I.

"The date is August 10th 2018" FRIDAY answered.

Tony immediately grabbed the IV line inserted in his arm and pulled on the tape holding the needle in place.

"Hey! What're you doing?" Steve asked. He moved to hold Tony down but the needle was already out, leaving blood spattered on the arm of the wheelchair.

Stark moved to push himself into a standing position, nearly collapsing in the process. Thor, who had been sitting on the side quickly rushed to Tony, trying to steady him.

"You need to sit, Tony you're in no way fit to be walking around" Steve said.

"I need a candle" Tony said, not paying attention to people trying to stop him from walking. "And a match" he snapped his fingers. Then he fainted.

"What the hell what that about?" Steve asked. Tony's unconscious form now lay sprawled on a hospital like bed, an IV reinserted into his arm.

"Honestly I think he was just delirious" Nat said. She looked from Tony on the bed to Thor who had returned to his sitting position on the side.

Steve shook his head. "That's not it. FRIDAY?"

"Yes, Mr. Rogers?"

"August 10th" he said. "What's so special about August 10th?"

There was a second of silence before she spoke. "August 10th is Peter Parker's birthday".

Natasha instantly felt sick. Steve looked like wanted to punch something, or someone for that matter. Thanos wiped out half of the world's population, it was hard thinking that the youngest Avenger had been one of his victims.

"He would've been 17 today" A quiet voice muttered. Tony Stark was awake, staring at the ceiling before looking to Steve.

"I was going to surprise him" Stark said trying his best to keep his emotions at bay. "Show up at his school, take him to get his drivers license. Even wanted to get him a car, don't really know how practical that would've been".

Natasha felt her eyes fill with tears. She wasn't normally the emotional type. But she couldn't help herself.

Tony continued. "I didn't want him to come with me. He's a kid" he said.

"Tony this wasn't your fault" Steve started.

"No. It was mine" Thor spoke. He had been listening to what Stark had said.

"You know that's not true-"

"I had a chance!" Thor yelled, standing with his fist clenched, shaking. "I had a chance, to go for his damn head. And I didn't take it! I didn't take it" He repeated the last line, quieter than before.

"Thor-" Nat began.

The Asgardian wasn't listening. "I'm so sorry Tony" he said before storming off.

**So i think this story will mostly be split between from Tony's perspective during the five years and then Peter's after his death. Hope you guys enjoy!**


	3. Someone to lean on

It's amazing how the human body works. Incredible really, how the feeling of an even rhythm in your chest means your body is working properly to keep you alive. Peter remembered how it felt as a child to play with a toy stethoscope against his chest and then placing in the small earplugs. Even with a plastic toy he was able to hear the light beating of his heart. He remembered the morning we woke up, only a month after he turned 16, when he had gotten bitten by the radioactive spider. He was able to hear his own heart beat pulsing loudly in his ears, along with all the other small noises in his apartment and in the streets of New York City. He was able to see every detail of paint on his wall, of the dust on his windowsill. Peter could recall having to hold a hand to his pounding chest, and having to shut his eyes tight, trying to clear the intense clarity. Peter got mostly used to it of course, could drown out almost all unnecessary noises and signs unless he needed to hear of see something extremely far away. He even named these powers, including his ability to climb up walls and have super strength. He called this his spidey sense. And when Mr. Stark died he begged for his powers to go away.

Peter heard Stark's heartbeat slow the moment he had used the infinity stones. He heard the rasping of breath, trying to escape from his throat. Peter knew was dead when he heard silence. Silence and open eyes.

His passport was expired. His phone battery was shot. His bedroom door creaked open after being closed for so long. It was the little things like this that surprised Peter nowadays. A new store that had opened on the corner of his block, an old one that had closed after Thanos and had yet to be reclaimed. And while almost all the cars that filled the sides of the streets were gone, there were still the ones that sat, covered in rust, looking like they haven't been touched in five years, and will remain that way indefinitely.

School became a strange experience. Though Peter hadn't been friends with all his classmates, they at least had given him a sense of familiarity. Entering the school building now felt wrong if not uncomfortable for him. Peter looked sixteen, even he could not deny that. But given that he knew it was no longer 2018 but in fact 2023, he felt like a trespasser in the hallways.

Another surprising factor of this new way of life was that the lockers belonging to the fallen hadn't been cleared. And with half of the student population gone, it wasn't as if the extra space was needed.

"Hey Peter" A girl said, giving a small wave and a smile as he passed. He recognized her briefly as the person who sat behind him in U.S. history. That was just one of the difficult adjustments after Thanos. All who had disappeared had to restart the year in which they had left. Meaning Peter had to retake his junior year.

Peter put up a hand to wave back. Trying his best to muster a smile. She hadn't disappeared, she hadn't had her whole life stripped away. It wasn't her fault though. She was one of the nice kids, the kids who pitied the ones who had disappeared.

Peter felt a vibration in his pocket. He pulled out his phone, old as it was it still worked well once he had the battery replaced. He knew who would be calling before he saw the screen. Happy.

Even though he had been calling repeatedly since the funeral every time the name appear on screen Peters mostly because Peter had refused to answer even once.

"Peter, hey!" Ned came up to him. Peter's phone vibrated again, he refused to look down at it.

"Still not answering?" Ned asked, having seen Peter refuse the calls for weeks.

"No point" Peter said. He opened his locker and pulled out a textbook.

"You know maybe it's time though" Ned said carefully. "You suiting up again, me the guy in the chair" he dropped his voice to a whisper.

"What're you guys doing?" MJ asked, coincidentally having been passing the two.

"Nothing" Ned said quickly.

"Really?" She said taking a step forward, trying her best to appear threatening. "Because it looked like you guys were being all secretive"

"We were just talking about Spider-Man" Ned said almost too quickly.

"Spider-Man? You know I heard he was snapped too" MJ said.

"Snapped?" Peter asked.

"Yeah you know, poof, gone" MJ said as she gestured an explosion with her hands. "Just like the rest of us, right. You would think he'd be back now seeing as the Avengers are down two superheroes".

"Yeah, you'd think" Peter muttered. He felt a headache coming on. He wanted to leave.

"Hey Parker, you're not looking so great" MJ said. "Though, not worse than usual...hey!" She said as Peter slammed his locker shut and began walking away rather fast paced.

Peter made his way straight into the boys restroom as the nausea crept up his throat and his headache worsened. He gave a silent prayer of thanks as the bathroom was luckily empty. Immediately he caved over the trash can and the minuscule amount of food he had eaten had resurfaced. Peter turned to look in the mirror, face red and he could see himself visibly shaking.

"Calm down Peter. Just calm down" He told himself. He felt weak, helpless, just like he had felt when he was trapped under concrete and couldnt move. He hated feeling this way. He wanted to be happy, to be Spider-Man again. But he couldn't like this.

"Peter?" A knock echoed. He could already tell it was MJ. Before he could say anything she entered.

"Hey this is the guys bathroom!" He protested but Peter didn't exactly look up for a fight.

"Do you really think I care" MJ asked. She didn't wait for an answer.

"MJ-"

"Before you start getting mad at me the same way you've been hating on everyone else just listen. I came to apologize" She said.

Peter stared at her.

"At first I thought it was just the shock of everything that had happened that made you lose it. But then I realized that it's different for you than everyone else" MJ began.

Peter immediately felt nervous, wondering if somehow she knew his secret.

"You lost someone didn't you?" MJ asked.

"What?" Peter asked. He wasn't sure what she'd say next.

"Tony Stark. You had your internship with him right? Well I'm guessing it was more than just an internship. You cared about him, and I'm guessing he cared about you" MJ said and she gave a shrug, waiting to see if she got it right. And technically she did. Though she didn't get all the details, she was still mostly correct.

"Besides for Aunt May and Ned he was the closest thing to family I had. But you can't tell anyone. Please MJ" Peter begged, knowing he probably looked like a mess right now.

"I'm not the one that goes around spilling peoples secrets" MJ said and Peter took that as a promise. "Anyways I knew that must've been the reason you freaked out when I talked about the Avengers".

Peter gave smallest bit of laugh that he could manage while trying to ignore his tears that had previously fallen. "Yeah, you were right".

"Well I should probably get out of this bathroom" MJ said.

"Yeah" Peter agreed, and MJ turned towards the door, grabbing the handle. Then she turned back around to face Peter.

"And Peter? If you ever need someone to I dont know, give you a pep talk or something, I'm not really that girl. But if you need someone to talk to-" She extended her hands out to either side and pointed to herself. Then she left.

**Hoping to write more about Stark in the next chapter. please leave reviews and tell me what you guys think! And yes, I am trying to put a lot of Peter and MJ in this fic, i am hoping they get together in Far From Home**


	4. Update Far From Home trailer

Hey guys so I just saw the new Spiderman trailer and I actually want to cry. Peter looked broken and just everything about the trailer made me so excited [and extremely sad]. Anyways, i hope to post another chapter by the end of this week, and thanks so much for the feedback!


	5. Love You 3000

"Right! Shift to the right!" Tony yelled, his hands clenching the arm rest and the door handle of the Toyota, which belonged to Peter's Aunt May.

"Don't worry Mr. Stark, I got this" Peter said confidently, as he gripped the steering wheel. In all honestly he didn't think his driving was that bad.

"Sure you do," Tony said, he hated Manhattan traffic. Absolutely despised it. Why he had let Peter convince him to take him driving, he had no idea.

"Ok, pull over kid" Stark said, and Peter signaled to the right before coming to a stop. Peter grinned, because he had driven them safely.

"I have survived being tortured in captivity for months in a foreign country, and nearly died flying into a wormhole to outer space, just to name a few. This was somehow more terrifying than both those times" Stark said, letting himself breathe deeply.

"Oh come on, I wasn't that bad. I went the speed limit and everything" Peter argued as he tried not to break out in a fit of laugher over Tony's fear.

"Sure you did, how about I drive home?" Stark asked. He noticed Peter's laughter. "And this isn't funny".

"It is" Peter said with a smile as he shifted gears and turned to look over his shoulder.

"Hey, no-" Stark said realizing what Peter was doing and that the kid was immensely enjoying himself. "You're not driving again"

"Only way I going to get better" Peter said, but as he turned to move back onto the main rode he looked to Tony, eyes wide and terrified.

"Mr Stark, I don't feel so good" Peter said and Tony knew what would come next. He tried to reach out and grab the kid's hand but Peter was gone. And Tony now sat in an otherwise empty car, with nothing but silence washing over Manhattan.

Tony's eyes snapped open to the blinding morning light. The curtains were open, which meant Pepper was awake. He would've loved to tell her that he actually slept well, that his dreams were finally peaceful but she wouldn't have believed him.

"FRIDAY?" He asked. "Time?"

"It is 9:47 AM"

"Yeah I figured that part" Tony muttered, almost too exhausted to get out of bed, which he hadn't done yesterday, but today felt different. He knew he had a purpose of what to get done. But first he had to get dressed.

Tony threw Pepper her coat. She had been silently reading on the sofa when she was then smothered with the light material of her jacket, even in May the weather in New York could be unpredictable. She pulled it off, placing down her book and looked up to see Tony standing there, keys in hand.

"Come on" he said, sunglasses on and looking ready to get in the car, as if they had been planning on taking an outing that day. Except they hadn't.

"Come where?" Pepper asked calmly, her eyebrows raised. Tony's ever changing mood had led her to be weary of his decisions. Some days he outright refused to need sleep and spent the entire night tinkering with mechanics and other things. But other days like yesterday, Tony wouldn't even have the strength to get out of bed, no matter how much she pestered him to even step outside. His exhaustion and the depression that had crept inside took the better of him most of the time. Now the fact that Tony was dressed and even took the liberty to shower worried Pepper.

"House shopping" he said while holding up the keys. "Come on, lets go".

Tony turned toward door waiting to hear footsteps behind him, but Pepper didn't move.

"What's this about?" She asked, arms folded although she didn't look angry.

Tony turned to face her. "I want a house" he said. Pepper tried to read his facial expression, but it was difficult.

"I'm thinking something out in the open, away from the city, maybe in the countryside. White picket fence?" Tony shrugged.

"You hate the country" Pepper said, not believing a word he was saying.

"No I don't. And besides I know you love it" Tony said. "I think we could build a life together there".

Pepper nodded, though she didn't quite understand where he was leading. Sure there had been passing comments before Thanos about buying a different penthouse, maybe even moving to a different state but none of these conversations ever led to somewhere.

"And by building a life you mean-?"

"I think we'd be great parents" Tony said.

Pepper stared, not sure of what to make of Tony's new found dream for the two of them, though she knew where he was getting the idea.

"You want to have a child?" She asked.

"Well first he or she would be a baby, then grow into a child. But you get what I mean" Tony said. "You want to have kids, right?"

"Tony, of course I do but this is a little bit sudden" Pepper said. She didn't want to agree to anything before she knew where Tony's head was at the moment.

"It's not sudden. I want to be a father, and I want our kid to have a safe place to live in and New York City doesn't exactly have the best track record. I just want...I need another chance". Tony paused. He had been rambling and he knew it. Pepper did too. Rambling meant he was nervous, but was too afraid to admit it.

"Another chance?" Pepper asked softly, but she knew what Tony was referring too.

"He knew you cared about him" She said, not even having to mention the kid's name for Tony to know she understood.

"Did he? Because I've been going over this in my head" Tony said. "And I think most of the time I was too busy telling him off than showing him that he mattered to me".

Pepper walked close to him, wrapping her arms around Tony.

"He knew" she repeated. "And you're right" Pepper said with a smile. "Manhattan is out of the question" she knew how many times that city had to be rebuilt, every time there was an attack. It was no place Tony or Pepper would consider safe.

Tony let himself collapse on the couch. Then he looked up, staring straight into her eyes. "You want to have a kid,right?" He asked.

She nodded, as she lowered herself next to him, "Of course I do. But do you- do we even know how to take care of a baby?" Pepper asked and now she couldn't help imagining being a parent. There was so much darkness in the air since everyone disappeared, it'd be nice to have something happy to focus on, for both her and Tony.

"No, but I know how to deal with a teenager. And I know I'm going to be the best father" Tony promised. "The very best Iron Dad ever. And I will love that kid with my every being, one thousand percent".

"One thousand percent?" Pepper asked.

"Hell maybe even to three thousand" Tony said, then he leaned in slowly until his lips met her for only a few sort seconds. "But i swear if we get a house with a white picket fence I might actually burn it down" He told her.

"I will willingly hand you that torch" Pepper told him. "But don't worry, it'll never come to that".

"You're too good for me" Tony said.

"Remember that" Pepper replied.


End file.
